I've been working for Membership organizations since 2002. I have calculated that I've worked with over 150 Board Members in that time. Some of them have been reasonable, friendly, fair and easy to serve. It would be dishonest for me to say that my aforementioned sentence applies all. When I meet with new potential clients, boards or leaders, I can almost predict what each and every one of them will ask me as their 1st question. That question is some iteration of "Have you ever had a difficult Board Member and or How Have you dealt with a difficult Board Member" Then I laugh and retort (in a nice way), that "if any other Member Management Professional leader tells you that have not doubt with either then immediately kick them out of your office, because that person is lying to you."
It's simply the reality of the job and as professionals we must embrace and navigate that road. Here are some of the tips that I found effective in my career.
A. Identify the differences. Is it a matter of personality styles or management styles. If its personality style that its your job as an executive to adapt to them NOT for them to adapt to you. Here is why. They are stewards of the organization, they can and will eat you alive if you rebel. They are also a large equation of your job security. Here as an example, I once occurred. I consider myself to be a friendly, witty and fun leader. In a jovial and congenial way, I once approached a Board Member and I said "There he is, the Man, They Myth, the Legend Bobby Smith." ***His name was not Bobby Smith. I just used that name to tell my story. "Bobby" then said with a straight face, "Cut the crap and keep things boring and straightforward in introductions with me. I know right away this individual had little to no personality, which was completely counter to how I operate. However, for the next two years of his term on the Board, I kept things straightforward and boring, and we got a lot accomplished together.
B. If it's a matter of management differences, then I strongly recommend enlisting advocates. Seek out other Board Members not in any attempts to ostracize said Board Member, but rather to have other Board Members pontificate your position in the hopes that an army of many can trump a party one few.
C. Kill them with kindness. Since illegal to kill them literally:) I recognize my redundancy, but I look at difficult people as a challenge that fuels my connective soul. I have this appetite of being over friendly and overtly flexible in meeting people where they are. Even if I am meeting them at the corner of anger and frustration. I do this by meeting them informally for coffee or going to a ballgame. Actually, I did that once. I once take a difficult Board member to a basketball game. We both love the sport and it seemed to take the walls down between us.
Would if the Difficult Board Member is your Board President? Not going to lie, but this is worse case scenario. This is the individual who will interface with the most and who is the gatekeeper between you and an unemployment check. The often hold the bully-pulpit and your fate can literally be decided on their mood. Thus, the occupational hazard of running an organization is to do your best pine for a Board member who can be a worthy working partner and or find a way to make that person your best friend.
Sometimes it doesn't work. Their minds may be made up before they even put their hand to the bible for swearing in. I recall that I had an incoming Board president, who owner a high-end window treatment business. To curry favor, I spent a $1000 on a window treatment my wife and I did not need, hoping that my olive branch would be received. Two weeks later she became president and not that long afterward, she fired me and hired her friend, who was not as qualified. There was nothing I could do, my fate was sealed. Thats the reality of the business.
In another case, I had a Board President who was 6 months into his 24-month term. He was so strange that he wrongfully accused me of offending his wife (A person who I did not know nor have I ever met). I realized that he was not keen on me and was waiting for me to make a mistake so that he can convince the rest of the Board to let me go. In this case, I had a lot of advocates on the Board and his reputation of making stuff up was already baked into things. Even with the protection of competent Board Members, I still had to tread lightly around him. I then made a conscious decision to only talk to him when needed. In a way, little contact was way more effective in long conversations where my words were taken out of context and misrepresented. For this individual and this organization, the strategy was effective. I had relied on other leaders to guide us all past this man's presidency.
The overarching idea is to adapt to what best preserves your job while also being an effective leader for the organization you represent.